1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.

The 1998 Xmas dinner at Bens Thai in the Warrington

  the lads

Andy Shilling gets in the way of the camera

Our 1998 Xmas Dinner Awards went to:

Ben Shaw   Oldest Newcomer : Highest Scorer 148 runs

Fred Maroudas  True Grit vs the Phene 12 not out

Andy Shilling  Second Worst Injury and Lifetime Award

Mark Rodbert Lifetime  Award   (cheap video and vindictive correspodemce at end of page)

and the lads got Fletch a very nice drawing done by Charlie's dad

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Rodders bores the arse off everyone with his "keynote" speech Fletch exults in the lager arriving
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The Shilling finger and award Fletch gets his deserved man of the century award
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Steve Jacobs shows his dynamite bowling grip and fingers the ball that took all the wickets Steve Jacobs relaxes with a ciggie whilst Ben accepts "only fit player" award
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Gwynn thinks of all those nappy bills The Shilling head.  Again

The Christmas 1998 Correspondence

Author: Fletch

Thanks Graham, your cheque arrived Saturday - very kind. I am going to put this towards a little trophy which I think we tentatively entitle "The Comfort Award for Interesting Performance" and then award annually. This year I think we will give it to Rodders - interesting being a euphemism for cr*p in his case


From: Graham Comfort

Wouldn't the equivalent of a "Lifetime Award" be more appropriate?

Author: Tony.Fletcher

you can't seriously be suggesting we do something nice for Rodders ? I shall be reporting you to the Big Five Management standards committee for this lapse in style


Graham Comfort

You're trying to wind me up, aren't you? A lifetime award for cr*p play was what I had in mind!

Author: Tony.Fletcherk 

my error. I see some chromium plated dog poo, tastefully mounted on a small electric motor that noiselessly rotates day and night glinting gently in the twilight of his playing career...

From: Graham Comfort

I don't see the need for it to be noiseless. How about a grating, squeeky noise continuously grinding out as the dog poo goes aimlessly round in circles?

Author: Tony.Fletcher

excellent idea. in fact the edited highlights of this email will form the basis of the citation that goes with the dog poo. I shall also be sending the email out for more comments from the rest of the team, but my own addition to the original includes the innovation of a small computerized chip that occasionally squawks "Owzat" and then says yes and laughs hysterically

Stephen j
: surely a bronze of something very slow would be appropriate - a snail, a sloth you get the idea; or maybe a life times achievement in the development of great calling between the wickets or the worlds smallest book - Rodbert and the Quick Single...

From: Clarkster: 

There needs to be something that symbolizes the amount of protection that the great man feels he needs before marching to the square - perhaps arm guards for both arms, a chest protector and a large bucket to cover his arse may just about afford 100% safety. I was meaning safety for the team rather than Rodders himself : by the time he's got all the gear on, he should be ready to bat about number 9 ! An alternative would be a headstone, without the final date inserted, saying simply

Mark Rodbert - Run Out

What better can there be for a lifetime achievement award [£10 pledged]?

From Andy shilling

Why don't you add up his total lifetime runs scored for the club, multiply it by 10, and present him with a gold embossed cheque for the amount. It should come to about a tenner.