1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.

Tour 2000 Report - the very hot weekend of 16-17-18-19 June    Not so much a report, more unadulterated ramblings

"AFTER ALL, that is why I loved my team so much - not only for the joy in victory, but also for the stupid desire to cry on evenings when we had lost." Not, in fact, the thoughts of a disconsolate Salix player, making his way home after his team had met its Waterloo in sunny Kent.

No, they are the words of a French goalkeeper called Albert Camus, all goalkeepers being at heart existentialist philosophers. And he admits that, yes, you do love a thing that brings you pain and misery. You would hardly trouble with it, if it did not.

The Team prior to the Longport Game

In honour of Andy Foster, we hereby publish these two photos:  the swordsman
and the Monkeys forehead.  

No idea why, really

Sherwin Williams bat Handle
Chaucer hotel


The tour was in Kent, where they grow hops, which we drank.

We stayed at the Chaucer hotel, centrally located for the town and for the decorators. The worlds smallest rooms were, however, very cheap. A couple of tour members disliked the hotel so they stayed out all night. Or perhaps there was another reason?

We played:

  • Nonington CC (lost)
  • Beltinge CC (drew)
  • Choughs CC (er, lost)
  • Longfleet CC (well, guess..)

and saw  some beautiful grounds. We recommend you visit the website of one of the oldest grounds in the country , where we played and lost www.choughs.co.uk 

Who Played

some comments from Fletch
Rich Winter no Hawaiian shirt in evidence but showed evidence of more than one stroke
Mark Rodbert Father of the team
Andy Bush Winner of worst shirt competition, but lost out in the monkeys forehead stakes
Andy Foster name now changed to Swordsman Foster
Steve Jacobs Is that mobile permanently glued in his ear
Simon Curtis Steady, but greying slightly
Neil Clark We missed the funny trousers
Fletch Fat bloke, easily injured
Dominic Guinness Didn't bother to come, citing pressure of work
Charles Hewitt His Captaincy has matured with age, like a Beaujolais Noveau
Andy Shilling Lurched into majestic action, but easily injured
John Lock Chick issues kept him away
Jay Sharma Likely to be our new man in the States just as he was getting broken in
Fred Maroudas Chazza shoes are big to fill, but Fred showed us his size 12's
Craig Brown or Hat Trick Craig as we now know him
Richard Cox Hefty does of Sanatogen kept him nimble and scoring
Dave Henig Our man in a crisis, fueled by greasy breakfasts


How fast does the Clarkster bowl?

This blurry shot of the Clarkster at full whack is a video still.  According to my state of the art ClarksterCam, it takes 0.83 seconds for the ball to leave his hand before being whacked for 4.  This is a distance of around 19 yards, so a little arithmetic shows us that the ball is travelling at 46 miles per hour. Give or take.

Next week we submit Andy Bush to the Machometer and time Fletch with a sand glass

We had an excellent visit to the Salix Bat factory (and Andy Bush and Andy Shilling both bought one). 





team3.jpg (34861 bytes)
team1.jpg (34108 bytes)
team2.jpg (34289 bytes)
clarrkster.jpg (33019 bytes)
The Team
The Team
The Team
Clarkster says "What's a bat?"
bats2.jpg (33444 bytes)
bats3.jpg (31209 bytes)
bats.jpg (41075 bytes)
bush.jpg (31484 bytes)
At Salix Bats
Making the Sherwin Bat
Chazza picks one
Has it got a edge he asks
bats4.jpg (38280 bytes)
shirtsy.jpg (34799 bytes)
arrive.jpg (34338 bytes)
chazza.jpg (40875 bytes)
Andy picks one (then pays)
worst Shirt contest winner
Simon and Richard arrive on tour
Captain Chazza shows his true feelings
key.jpg (40403 bytes)
fletch.jpg (36259 bytes)
fletch2.jpg (29276 bytes)
Andy Shilling tests the wicket (like it matters)
Fletch hits a 4 (rare event)
Fletch hits 50 (very rare event)
Showers at the Choughs - unchanged since 1762
randr.jpg (30836 bytes)
The Lads relax
The Clarkster in Action
Rich womans house. Rented from a brewery
Fred dives. Fred drops. Fred catches 2nd time. Bushy cheers
Wincarnis works wonders. Richard bowls a leggy
The Foster Arse
Delicately, Andy Shilling plays a classic on drive (sorry, wrong caption)
Salix CC versus Nonington at Fredville Park on 15-06-2000(25 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting first)129for 3off25overs Match Won
Nonington111for 6off25overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Richard Winter1Bowled
2.Neil Clark29Caught & Bowled
3.Andy Bush50Retired
4.Richard Cox18Not Out
5.Tony Fletcher13Caught
6.Mark Rodbert2Not Out
7.Charlie Hewitt0Did Not Bat
8.Andy Foster0Did Not Bat
9.Simon Curtis0Did Not Bat
10.Unknown Ringer0Did Not Bat
11.Steve Jacobs0Did Not Bat
1.Andy Bush50170--3.40
2.Steve Jacobs5127213.5015.005.40
3.Simon Curtis4113113.0024.003.25
4.Neil Clark301728.509.005.67
5.Unknown Ringer2080--4.00
6.Richard Cox30818.0018.002.67
7.Charlie Hewitt20300--15.00
8.Andy Foster1013113.006.0013.00
Andy Bush1catch
Neil Clark1catch
Tony Fletcher1catch
Andy Foster1catch
Mark Rodbert1catch
Tony Fletcher1drop
Richard Winter1drop

Salix CC versus Beltinge CC at Beltinge on 16-06-2000(Timed Game)
Salix CC (batting second)130for 9off38overs Match Drawn
Beltinge CC183for 9off29overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Neil Clark8Caught
2.Richard Winter6Caught
3.Tony Fletcher54Caught
4.Charlie Hewitt4Bowled
5.Jay Sharma12LBW
6.Andy Foster8Bowled
7.Andy Bush0Bowled
8.Andy Shilling4Caught
9.Craig Brown13Not Out
10.Richard Cox0Bowled
11.Steve Jacobs2Not Out
1.Steve Jacobs8043221.5024.005.38
2.Andy Shilling5052152.0030.0010.40
3.Richard Cox20190--9.50
4.Craig Brown7030215.0021.004.29
5.Andy Bush7135311.6714.005.00
Andy Foster2catches
Jay Sharma1catch
Andy Foster1drop

Salix CC versus Choughs at Canterbury on 17-06-2000(25 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting first)114for 9off30overs Match Lost
Choughs118for 5off29.1overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Fred Maroudas1Caught
2.Andy Shilling20Bowled
3.Jay Sharma0Caught & Bowled
4.Mark Rodbert1Run Out
5.Richard Cox4Bowled
6.Richard Winter12Bowled
7.Charlie Hewitt12Caught
8.Andy Bush27Not Out
9.Andy Foster10Run Out
10.Simon Curtis0Bowled
11.Neil Clark1Not Out
1.Neil Clark5110110.0030.002.00
2.Simon Curtis5021210.5015.004.20
3.Andy Bush5016116.0030.003.20
4.Charlie Hewitt50220--4.40
5.Richard Cox4.10270--6.48
6.Jay Sharma5115115.0030.003.00
Fred Maroudas2catches
Andy Shilling1catch
Richard Winter3drops
Neil Clark1drop
Charlie Hewitt1drop

Salix CC versus Longport at Herne Village on 18-06-2000(35 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting second)118all outoff0overs Match Lost
Longport120for 6off26.1overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Craig Brown26Run Out
2.Richard Winter25Caught
3.Andy Foster16LBW
4.Mark Rodbert3Run Out
5.Neil Clark12Bowled
6.Andy Bush0Bowled
7.Jay Sharma15Run Out
8.Fred Maroudas0Caught
9.Dave Henig5Bowled
10.Richard Cox3Not Out
11.Steve Jacobs0Bowled
1.Andy Bush72220--3.14
2.Neil Clark6120120.0036.003.33
3.Jay Sharma10170--17.00
4.Steve Jacobs6.1138138.0037.006.16
5.Craig Brown611644.009.002.67
Andy Foster1catch
Richard Winter1catch
Craig Brown1drop
Steve Jacobs1drop